To Us. From Me. In Spite of You.
When staring at a stupid girl dressed in white and a liar in black
Ours was a story with far too many words for the writing and a meaning that was oh so changeable—like the tenor of your voice as you laughed at your jokes and the red flush of embarrassment.
The image I’ve chosen to prove my point was chosen so to bring about a blunt but glorious remembrance we’ve both tried far too hard to forget.
Because it’s easy to remember. The brilliance—facets in eyes, blue-green and golden brown; tears under eyelids, color creeping up my cheeks. The scent—our skin like rain and sweat, sticky breath against lips just close enough to breathe in and cinnamon sticks, everywhere. The taste—salt, sugar and sea; anxiety, exhilaration, memory.
It’s harder to forget an end we’d never wanted but always secretly hoped for.
Memory is a bitter ghost.
Glancing down at you, close up, soft-edged and blurred, you were never clearer and bluntness never so forgiving.
It’s easy to remember that day, that year, that life we both lived together but always so alone.
And though this stumble down the paths of our pasts has been educational, enlightening and certainly entertaining in it’s own sick way—it still can’t drown out the Ballad of Us—a song that echoes in my head as I close my eyes in the dark and dream.
As much as I wish for silence, I can’t help but listen. As much as I want to sew my eyes shut so I can’t see you anymore, I can’t help but stare into the darkness at a frame on the table, slightly tilted to the left, glistening dully in the moonlight.
But I breathe the truth.
That photograph is like a lie. It’s nothing but wishes and dust that, god, I wanted to hold onto as the stake you drove into my heart began to rust.
I’ll never forget
But I’ll wish I could
Even though
There’s nothing to remember
Except for—
Everything
That
Was.
** This piece was written in 2009 and finished last year. This one along with the vision of “The Ballad of Us” compose a duo called Mirrors that was featured in the 2009 PCCNW Poetry Slam.
